Are We Celebrating Women Yet?

It's hard to be a woman

I'm not sure when I realized this. I have been racking my brain since morning trying to find out which exact moment in my life made me realize this.

Maybe, it was that fateful night 13 years ago when a matatu conductor harassed me that I had to run away for fear of being stripped naked or raped. It scared me so much that incidents of women being harassed like that still trigger me. It took years for me to stop fearing men. 

Or maybe it was when I tried to explain to my male "friends" what happened that fateful night. They gaslighted the whole situation and made me believe I must have done something to warrant the harassment.

Or maybe it's when I have to double-take on what I am wearing so that I do not give off the wrong idea when I know I'm going to be walking by myself on the road, regardless of the time of day or how busy the street is.

Or maybe it is when as a new mother I would walk around, and the first thing people did when they saw me was asking "where are the kids"- their polite way of saying, "how dare I live my life and yet I have children to take care of".

Or maybe it's when I get scared driving by myself and find myself slowing down when I get close to a bodaboda rider because God forbid an accident happens. 

Or maybe it's when I used to find myself walking out of a matatu or lift when I didn't see another woman inside. Or be hyper-alert when in a cab for fear of my safety.Every.Single.Time. 

Or maybe it's when I find myself missing living in Cambodia because no Cambodian man would ever notice an African woman. I  would savour the feeling of being invisible and would walk around anywhere regardless of the time or how I was dressed, knowing these men couldn't be bothered. Sigh... I miss those days.

Or maybe it's the incident I heard regarding the woman attacked by ruthless bodaboda riders and stripped of her dignity. Yet, there are still men saying, "well, but she hit someone with her car" ... so, that makes it ok? I am still trying to understand what any person can do to justify something like that happening to them. 

Or maybe it's when I hear statements like, "uko na umama sana" or, "kwani sisi ni wanawake" or, "if you're a coward, you're a p*ssy, but if you're brave, you've got b*lls.

It's sickening, isn't it?

Dear men

-Please do better. Speak out on sexual injustices, protect the women, listen to understand. Enough with the gaslighting. 

-Don't be mad when you see women and girls are being empowered. It takes nothing away from you. 

-You do not have to imagine her as your sister, wife, girlfriend to be outraged when you see gender-based injustices; how about thinking of her as a human being who deserves NOT to have something terrible happen to her because of her womanhood.

Stop saying, "not all men are like that" because we don't know if you were once the cause of someone's 

pain through gaslighting or being the harasser yourself.

Dear women

Maybe the world will get easier for us one day. Until then, let us keep hope alive.